Lived through love

Jan 5 2025

I can either deny my life or go deeper into it.
Deeper into the process of living itself.

I always live first through the life of sensation of being.
Either I am aware of it or not.
But everything always begins here within the cosmological sensation of being,
And the responsibility that it confers on me to be here in my life.

To be here ruthlessly and objectively and without compromise 
And to attempt to penetrate the truth of who I am and where I am
And what I am doing.

This truth is directly in front of me at all times.
In fact, the whole of me, all of what I think and do and see and hear and sense is the truth.
And yet, at the same time that it stands here at the center of existence.
It is hidden.

I don't understand this.

And so, over and over again, I have to begin from here, first, to remember life itself.

To remember through the breathing,
To remember through the connection to sensation,
To surrender myself to this force of truth 
So that I can help its nature support my effort to be.

I could be much clearer about who I am.
But I cannot be clear about anything without sensing myself.
And so I begin here with nothing.

I have nothing.

I am nothing.

And yet a great force flows into being here.
One with the potential to participate in creation.
One with the potential to concentrate goodness.
To concentrate love.

To concentrate it even in an uncompromising way 
So that it becomes the foundational substance,
The center of gravity from which all action arises.
And I see that this force
Which is so much greater than anything I can ever be, 
Is a challenge to meet.
A challenge that will require an absolute surrender that I don't want to make.

And yet from here,
As I sense truth and sense goodness flow into being,
I realize that it is exactly this surrender 
In which all of the hope I can feel is based.

I am not within it.
I don't inhabit it.
But I stand on the edge of it.

And every time I find myself willing to cede inner territory to this action of love,
I find myself again in what is real.

And only when I find myself in what is real
Can I rediscover the value of this great force called life.

Life lived through love is the place to which I wish to return today.